NYC therapist, Natalia De Oliveira is passionate about dating coaching and matchmaking. Following her drive, she has naturally become a seasoned expert in the dating and relationship fields. Every day, she helps singles optimize their dating skills and guides them towards an empowered love life.
Natalia offers a range of personal relationships and dating services, including in-person or virtual coaching sessions, online dating profile assistance, real-time advice via text, and can even be your wingman for the time of a happy hour.
Here is what she tells us about dating in New York and her services.
Tell us about your background
Master’s level therapist/ background in psychology, originally thought I would go back for my doctorate to become a psychologist but discovered that love consulting is my calling. When I look back the signs that I was so interested in romantic relationships were there all along. My thesis during grad school was “a study of infidelity thresholds: examining sex, self-esteem and partner desirability.” Experimental study looked at self-esteem as a significant variable that interacts with threshold for infidelity (low self-esteem low threshold, takes less to suspect infidelity). The manipulation was with the partner desirability.. If she’s a more attractive woman or a man who makes more money does that have an interaction with infidelity? (http://gradworks.umi.com/15/14/1514125.html)
For years I have been setting up my friends and giving dating advice. When I started getting messages from people I didn’t know through word of mouth I was like wait a second… TheRelationshipCoach, LLC began in July 2014 officially.
Who are your typical clients?
Right now mostly singles in their 20s and 30s. Some are extrovert, outgoing types who date plenty but can’t sustain or stay interested in anyone long enough for a long-term relationship, and some are introvert types who are shy and have a hard type meeting and dating. A little bit of everything with men and women clients. (Straight or gay).
You offer amazing, client-tailored services. Can you tell us about each of them briefly?
I meet with clients in a comfortable setting face to face, or we can skype. Face to face sessions are cozy over wine, or when it’s warmer out a stroll through the park, seaport, or the highline while we talk. I’m available digitally for texting advice and I edit online dating profiles. And I also like to sometimes go out with my clients and wing woman. In some cases I have gone shopping with them and did a little image consulting. I try to provide individualized services based on client’s needs.
What is your price range?
Sessions cost about $130 an hour face to face, less for the virtual sessions, and for packages and so forth I give my clients lots of discounts. The texting service is $150 a month, that’s a popular service.
What are the three things men need to do to improve their dating game? What about women?
Men: – 1) use all the tools we have now to find someone you saw or met once but don’t have her contact #? Facebook or whatever it is to get that number. Men did it back in time without all the resources we have today. Take advantage. (and I don’t mean be a stalker and find out where she works and show up at her job) ; 2) Do show manners, hold doors, pay for the date, be polite while interacting with others on your date such as the waitress. 3) keep the momentum going, don’t follow nonsense rules about how long before waiting to text back or calling after X amount of days. Do what feels right to you, and don’t be afraid of letting a girl know you like her and set up that next date.
Women- 1) don’t appear too eager or desperate for a relationship by being too available all the time in a moments notice, be sure to have a life. 2) also stop with the nonsense rules that you may have to wait X amount of dates before you sleep with him (again do what you’re comfortable with), 3) show your appreciation, thank you for taking me out last night and so on, make sure the guy knows you are interested and watch what your body language is saying. Most of the communication we do is through our body language and tone of voice very little are the words, so be sure to be flirting and engaging in conversation.
In the busy NYC world, people don’t necessarily have time for an in-person coaching session. How do you ensure the virtual coaching is as qualitative as the face-to-face one?
Virtual can be just as effective as in person for my clients, especially because with virtual they can more often get the appointments when they need instead of scheduling far in advance for in person session.
Do you think it’s difficult to find a date in NYC and why?
Not at all. Single attractive people are everywhere. If the city seems too big it’s about finding your little home within it. Maybe a local watering hole that you like going to frequently and becoming a regular. I learned that through every TV sitcom in NYC- Friends, Seinfeld, How I Met Your Mother, they all had a local spot and it felt like home, they always met potential dates at their spot. No need to bar hop all the time to meet someone, sometimes the person for you is at your local watering hole. And if you can’t afford a dating coach, wait staff and bartenders make great wing men at your favorite spot just an FYI.
What would be the empowerment advice you would give to Singles looking for a date?
Experience makes and shapes who you are compatible with, it’s not time wasted, so be sure to learn what you like and don’t like from the people you have dated. Figuring out what you want and need will help you exude confidence and you’ll give out those vibes…and let’s face it men and women are attracted to confident potential mates.
What are the main things that are missing in dating profiles?
What comes to mind for me when I hear this question and something I love adding to online dating profiles when I edit them are- those little imperfections that make us human. Perhaps you have a dorky laugh, or you’re afraid of heights or the dark, or trying to overcome your addiction of looking at food on Instagram all day (seriously what is it with the #foodporn obsession- I love food too don’t get me wrong). Anyway, something not too personal to share that the other person would react and say “that’s cute.” Also, the wow factor- what makes you interesting or unique? Mentioning something you are passionate about or the little things that make you happy. Not just showing off that you’re athletic, have big boobs, or a fancy job hinting at your big paycheck. If you want more than just a date with someone and want something long term you have to show your little imperfections, uniqueness, and passions.
Are you a fun wing woman?
Sure, I am fun, but it’s also work J
What are your three favorite ways to meet a potential date in NYC?
At the crowded line in the grocery store (hello Trader Joe’s) or coffee shops in the morning, fitness classes, and charity or networking events because people tend to be more comfortable approaching strangers.
Anything you would like to add ?
Everyone’s had their share of bad dating experiences, but stay open and vulnerable so that you can and you will fall in love . <3
And my tagline : Love: Find it. Feel it. Fall in it.