Hi Beautiful Lady,

This week I had a few clients tell me it’s been hard forgetting or not thinking of their ex.  So I wanted to share 3 tools that I use if this is happening to you.

Ex on the cabeza is no bueno for a joyous life because it’s hard to appreciate the present when you are living in the past.

I have been there. Doesn’t feel good.  So if it’s hard for you to concentrate or focus because thoughts or memories of him seem to constantly resurface [read my advice below ].

These are the 3 tools

1. Stop fighting it. Stop saying I wish I didn’t miss him, or why do I still miss him. Accept it. Write it down 100 times in your journal like Bart Simpson style, I MISS ___________. Scream it! Let your body and mind be free to say, “I friggin miss Big Bob, I miss him and I am still going forward with my life , and THIS IS going to get better and easier”


Rationale-What you resist persists and grows even stronger.  no bueno.

“Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I cannot Change…….

2. Feel into it. Stop going numb. dating randomly to forget him, stop picking up the 12th alfajor (peruvian cookie) like I did or the 5th jack and coke, like I did too.  I do not believe in “to get over a guy you have to get under one.” Trust me on this one sister, it doesn’t work.  So you can journal, scream (not at anyone porfavor), visualization, meditate, do a layers letter (a tool I LOVE using with my clients), and many other ways to process.


Rationale- Just because you sweep it under the rug it doesn’tmean it’s not there. You will be in a world of hurtin and ALOT of cleaning up to do if you just keep brushing it under. Go Toe-to-Toe with it on your terms before the universe decides to gladly do it for you. In alot of cases this relationship could have been an addiction or the gift you needed to be fully present for the next relationship and unless we look at straight in the face and see what’s what, we will suffer with no learning. Now that is not fun. No bueno. It’s time for brave you to come forward.

…the Courage To Change the Things I can…….”


3. Last and Not At All least. So now you admitted it, you stopped denying it, you also stopped the cycle of covering it up with something else that isn’t the best for you either now is where the fun begins.PIVOTING. Now you begin thinking about the great things you do want to feel in a relationship.  And FEEL what you do want to bring into your life.  “Im so excited about having a man that communicates his needs and is supportive of my career”, “I love that my partner accepts me exactly for who I am, ” close your eyes, imagine you in his arms, imagine both of you dancing around or having 3am pillow talk conversation about your hopes and dreams.


Rationale: As long as you keep remembering what you didn’t like about him or how you no longer have what you did like about him you will keep attracting exactly that. So if you didn’t like the dishonesty, as you continue THINKING about his dishonesty you will inevitably keep seeing it more in your life. If you miss his confidence you will keep thinking, “I don’t have his confidence around to boost me up” and now you will keep attracting lack of confidence.



….And The Wisdom To Know The Difference”


BONUS TIP: When you are in your mind reliving the best moments you shared with him, stop for a second and write down ALL the ways it didn’t work and ALL the things you didn’t receive and what made you finally leave. For example when I would say, I miss movie day with him, or the funny faces we made for the camera then I would go write down yes, I miss him but I don’t miss the dishonesty, I wasn’t growing, I really wasn’t even myself around him……..Breathe…..then go immediately to TOOL 2 , so we don’t dwell in the things you didn’t receive. But it’s important to recognize and remember you moved on for a reason and at THAT time it was the best thing for you to do with the information you had.


Like I mentioned in the video, if you have been dealing with this issue for a few months I suggest you get support. Remember they don’t teach us this stuff in school, so you will only know how to do things different if you LEARN to do them different.

You are an amazing woman and it’s time to get your beautiful heart out there again!


Now it’s your turn, Comment below,  did you try one of these tools and how was it for you? What useful tools have you used to stop thinking about someone? I look forward to hearing from you!


With Infinite Love,

Jen C.

(Article originally published on JenniferCastaneda.com. You can find it here)